Chores are exactly that, a CHORE.
It doesn’t help when your husband is forever asking, “what needs to be done?”
So, because SCREAMING, “Can’t you SEE what needs to be done?” isn’t recommended, here is a tip that is simple, effective, and – well – a NO BRAINER … if we are willing to rethink it.
And I KNOW I have some of my ladies out there scratching their heads wondering why *on Earth* their husband would need a chore chart. Hear me out.
He NEEDS one.
And I am not saying that from any sort of demeaning standpoint. I am not saying that he is a child and need to be told what to do.
What I am saying is, he is MAN, and – when it comes to chores and getting things done around the home … he NEED to be told what to do.
Husbands, hands up if you think you would benefit form a simple chore chart taped to the fridge. *picture a room FULL of men who’s hands slowly but surely creep into the air*
I am not lying girl, ask you husband in the least condescending manner possible.
Like, don’t walk in there and go, “FRANK?! Tell me you don’t seriously need a chore chart!” As if those words would be followed by, are you some sort of child.
^^ I’m serious here. If you are thinking, in your mind, that I cannot be SERIOUS, that HE cannot be SERIOUS, and the next thought is “do I have to PAY him as well, for completing his chores?” Then you are not taking my advice to heart.
If you need to offload your surprise and disbelief, you can ask him like, “I just read Cassandra post … is that true?!”
HE WILL NOD.
He may not readily admit it for fear of judgement. BUT, if you make your marriage a safe space, I am willing to bet, your husband NEEDS chore charts!
If you are still reading and you haven’t completely tuned me out because you are too proud to entertain this idea, you are my kind of gal.
I know that there is a crazy stigma around chore charts and about who needs them and what they are good for BUT, so much science and testing has proven that people do better when working from a list.
To Do lists
We work best when we know what we need to work on.
When we take the guess work out of the day to day, we can focus on the bigger picture and we can relax because we know that all the things will get done.
If you KNOW that your bathroom is supposed to be cleaned on Tuesday than you can rest on Monday even when there is a faint scent of pee in there and the base of the toilet is looking more mustard than gleaming white. You can rest because it will get done. It is scheduled to be completed … tomorrow.
And we KNOW that the Lord reminds us not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself (paraphrased of course – Matthew 6:34).
And I get it, someone out there is SCREAMING, “what if my girlfriend is popping by? Heaven forbid it’s my MOTHER IN LAW!”
Fear not, if they are popping in *or even scheduled to come over* you are planning on getting to that crusty toilet, tomorrow. Today, they must embrace the real.
Let’s say goodbye to frantic cleaning to appear more put together and welcome one another into the mess, the chaos, the REAL. Because things will get cleaned, just not today…
… wow that was a real rabbits hole.
The number two reason I KNOW your husband needs a chore chart (besides having been told by MANY husbands that they are helpful).
He doesn’t see the “mess” the way you do.
I promise you that.
And if you don’t believe me, read it again and KNOW it is true. There is probably nothing more true in this article than that.
He doesn’t see the house, the chaos, the stinky and pee crusted toilet the way you do.
Maybe it’s because he has contributed to that pee ring and never admitted it … possibly.
But he just DOESN’T see it the way you do.
So, while you have a spaghetti brain list of all the things that need to get done. From soccer practice to groceries, the bake sale at church and the pile of dirty laundry that you shoved under the bed because you needed a clear path. He doesn’t see it all. Doesn’t know what is coming next in your world of lists.
He, like most men, has a one track mind. And I am not referring to sex here.
He is thinking about one thing at a time and has NO clue the crazy that is happening in your mind.
He will help, and probably GLADLY, if he knows what he is supposed to do.
So, be a dear, and tell him.
Not TELL HIM. And you know what I mean by that. You can picture your arms bend and resting on your hips, your face that has that ridiculous disapproving glare, that tone the implies “why do I HAVE to tell you this AGAIN”, tell him.
Print off the chore charts and tape it up to your fridge.
Let him know that this is what you hope to get accomplished each day to keep the house running.
Ask him to lend a hand if things have gone haywire in the house with the kids and you missed something.
ALLOW him to help you.
Here’s the thing though.
And this will be one of the hardest parts of this. Besides laying down that pride that suggests that chore charts are for kids and your husband should just instinctively KNOW what needs to be done and when.
DO NOT FOLLOW HIM AND CORRECT HIM!
Do not go behind him as he dusts and casually “mention” that it would work better with the dusting mitt or that $$0 wand you bough from your girlfriend who sells Norwex. Don’t reload the dishwasher just because he put the plates in backward or forgot to put the cutlery sharp side down.
DON’T CORRECT HIM when he is trying to help.
His way is not wrong just because it isn’t how you do it.
It is just DIFFERENT.
And, trust me *so much trust* he WILL NOT APPRECIATE being corrected when he is trying to help.
Like a million percent. The surest way to ensure that he never touches the vacuum or dust cloth again is to criticize or correct him in how he has done it.
A million percent.
So, if you want him to pitch in you need to allow him to do it his way.
Remember dear sister, our houses are not our idols. They are not intended to be held to a standard of perfection that displays our pride and worth. The fact that there are smudges on the fridge and you can scarcely see through the sliding glass doors for the finger prints and window writers is a sign of a home lived in and not fussed over.
The tiny things that you are worrying about, that you are allowing to steal your joy (like how “stupid” it looks to have a chore chart on the fridge for a fully grown human) they don’t matter to anyone but you. And they only matter to you because you have placed your worth in them.
In a home that is spotless incase the Queen herself comes to visit, in a husband that knows what to do and when even if you have never communicated that before. Your value, your worth, in something other than what matters.
So, take a second to download the printable chore charts, fill them in with what works for your family on the daily or weekly, and get over yourself. Pay him in kisses and “cuddles”, enjoy his help in “your space”, and live more abundantly knowing that things will get done … just maybe not today.