Today, while I was feeding my daughter and mindlessly scrolling IG and Facebook, a story caught my attention, made me laugh and subsequently resulted in my daughter tearing at my nipple as she jiggled on my mommy tummy. 

My girlfriend, Amanda, who I’ve casually mentioned before in a post or two … and stay tuned, her name will be dropped again when the Postpartum Pee’ing Post launches … shared a meme, or infographic, or just a comment that hit me to the core … it hit me because as I was nursing, I was dreaming of the Nacho date I would demand on Friday. 

Nachos with all the toppings … tex-me ground beef, loaded with chopped bell peppers, some cherry tomatoes, cheese (so much cheese), green onion, avocado, sour cream, salsa, nacho cheese << so MUCH CHEESE … *drool*

So she shares this on her InstaStories …

Seriously though – when we do groceries, I TRY my best to go armed with a list. 

And when I say try my best, I mean USUALLY this list stays firmly in place on the kitchen counter in the exact spot where it was conceived, and then I spend about an hour in the grocery store with my brood of children playing a game I like to call “try and remember what was on THE LIST”. 

And I know, you are reading this, thinking to yourself that I should be smart and put the list on my phone … no one goes anywhere without their phones … but I loathe using my phone as a list keeper … you haver to keep unlocking it, turning it on or off, the kids want to play with it … #firstworldproblemsandall. 

And so … I generally go to the grocery store (the Wal Mart) and I do my BEST to keep our choices healthy.

You know the deal, you ONLY shop the outside of the store, making sure that everything you purchase has will rot before you finish it. You pick up items that do not come in boxes because you have been told that any food you eat should contain no more than seven ingredients, all of which you should be able to pronounce … 

And you do your groceries, because now you are healthy, now you’ve committed, now you are on track to crush all them goals you set just over a month ago (with the start of the new year and all). 

And you do it!

You get through the shopping trip and you have added not a single food item that doesn’t satisfy the insane “healthy” requirements you set for yourself and your family when you vowed to be more organic, less processed, and overall live better. 

YAY! 

You seriously deserve a medal, because LORD knows that your tiny helpers attempted *more than once* to toss I a candy bar (or three), they grabbed at the chips, the cookies, and I am pretty sure you fought your way through the cereal isle and were able to keep it to plain Cheerios despite their pleas for CoCoPuffs. 

And now you are back at home, a day or two later … and you’re peckish. 

You figure you could whip up a quick snack (salty if you’re like me) and you mosey on over to the kitchen, open the fridge … nope, nothing in there. 

You swing around to the cupboard where you keep the “good stuff” and it’s empty … or it is full of some gluten free crackers that taste like cardboard … nothing there either … 

You peek on in the pantry and it looks a little like Mother Hubbard’s Cupboard because you haven’t got the money to invest in all new baking ingredients that are simultaneously gluten free, sugar free, not overly processed and follow along the guidelines of the newest craze … there’s like one random can of tuna left and a maple beans from last winter … 

Now you’re stuck. 

You’ve done a great job with your groceries and you’ve left yourself stranded for some snacking or comfort food. 

Guess what >> it happens to all of us.

It happens because we are accustomed to a certain way of eating, a certain mindset toward snacking. We have developed these habits and these rituals (if you will) over years and YEARS of neglecting our bodies and our health. And it is HARD to break these go to’s. 

You want the chips, the chocolates, the things that you’ve allowed for so long, to be a staple in your life. The quick fixes, the simple snacks … 

And yet, you were intentional in what you picked up at the store, you thought long and hard about your budget and your waistline, you DECIDED that what you wanted was more important than what you were used to. 

And, while that was all well and good two days ago when you crushed your trip to the grocery store and looked like mother of the fricken’ year, you are kicking yourself now because you WANT a SNACK for crying out loud. 

Here’s the thing, that craving your current “fat girl” has, has been long established by the things you’ve been feeding her. 

Every time you’ve grabbed for. the chips or the soda, the cookies or chocolate (maybe you’ve even had times where, in a given day, you’ve munched on all the above) … all that munching, all those snacks, all the fulfillment of cravings … they CAUSE these cravings. 

You never REALLY want a family sized bag of potato chips … but you think you do, because that is what you gravitate toward when you’re upset, stressed, BORED … maybe you got chips as a snack when you were a kid (or MAYBE you didn’t and you wished you had). 

No matter what it is, you crave what you consume. 

 

Eventually, these cravings are all you think about, they consume you. 

You are now upset because you didn’t buy things that would satisfy these cravings when they come up. You feel like there is NOTHING to eat, you are angry, you might lash out at your children or your husband because WHY on EARTH did you think you would be able to make it the whole week being this new “healthier” version of yourself. 

You may make it through the day, but tomorrow … that craving is going to come back with vengeance … stronger, angrier, even more ticked that there is STILL nothing to snack on … 

Eventually, you will give into the cravings and may go overboard. You will hit up some fast food, maybe the convenience store. You will down two cans of coke wth your family sized bag of chips and … when it is all said and done, you will feel like a failure because you “blew it”.

I get it, I am there ALL THE TIME. 

Here is the thing, we repeat this destructive and mentally debilitating cycle until we release the chains of our current (or inner) “fat girl”. Once we flip the script that we are not “cheating” on our diets or that we lack the umph to stick with our resolutions, and we admit that we enjoy a treat. 

Once in a while we enjoy the taste of chocolate or chips … until we realize that we DON’T actually enjoy it. 

And we can start to think about our lifestyle over the course of our LIVES, making choices that satisfy the overall goal while enjoying and appreciating some instant gratification occasionally. 

And so, while I agreed with her post on a level so deep it was almost worth the niplash that ensued compliments of my chuckles … I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these “fat girl” choices don’t serve the end game, and that I can decide to enjoy some indulgences when it is planned, when I have made a CONSCIOUS decision to eat a certain way, and I will no longer play slave to my cravings … until I start to crave the right stuff. The healthy stuff, the stuff that – if I continue consuming it, will serve the future me better than that eighty-nine cent chocolate bar or that family bag of chemically flavoured potato chips. 

So, while my inner “fat girl” … or my current mombod, is begging for the treats and the cheap tricks, my mind is gaining strength to say no, and … as annoying as it is to open my fridge and see only INGREDIENTS and no actual FOOD, I know that these things were bought with purpose, were carefully chosen because they mean a healthier mommy and set a good example for my children, and I commit *DAILY* to fighting this battle with cravings … with addictions … so that my children do not share in my struggle.

Drop a comment to let me know, are you ready to cut the cravings, do you “feel me” in the struggle with the inner “fat girl” and are you PUMPED for the rest of this journey for the best life! 

3 TIPS to Prepare for a Weight Loss JOURNEY

And the deeper pain set in when I recalled the last time I looked in the mirror.

I had just given birth to my daughter in our bedroom. I was tired from a week of hard, early labour and a very fast and intense delivery from my knees on the floor, I was overwhelmed with the thought that I had just brought a little lady into this world and I looked up as I was getting settled onto the side of my bed, baby in arms, and I was disgusted with what I saw.

It wasn’t the blood, the sweat or the fluids, it wasn’t the mess of the birth. No, none of that upset me. What upset me was the reflection of myself.
FAT.
UGLY.
TIRED.
OLD.
FEEBLE.

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