It’s the first of April and I firmly believe that we all need something that is #relatable to kick off our morning. 

Even if our morning started about 4 hours ago and with children screaming and the stark realization that there its no cream the house aside from what you produce yourself … coffee will either be awful or sweetened “naturally”.

And if you are too much of a grump to laugh at the idea of using your own breastmilk to make a coffee than we cannot be friends. 

If you have done that very thing at least once before than, girl, we are besties! 

It’s time to stop taking ourselves too seriously for a moment and laugh at the real life struggles of just about every SINGLE mom out there. 

Dad’s too. Because I know, aside from them wondering if it is ok to drink breastmilk in coffee, they get it.

So let’s scroll and laugh, make sure to share … and silently contemplate whether it is socially acceptable to prank a child who has no idea what April Fools Day is.

Or, on second thought, to pass on that because you don’t want to explain for the next week how the pranks are limited to one day as you clean all their “creativity” from around the house.

Laundry is probably the sole nemesis of motherhood, am I right?

I mean that, and dishes. 

Two of the most hated and dreaded EVERY.FRICKEN.DAY tasks that must be done because no one has created affordable biodegradable clothing and cook wear. 

^^ someone should get on that. Like, I would wear the same outfit for a week if I knew that I wouldn’t have to wash it … that, and if I could guarantee that my daughter wouldn’t have me smelling of curdled milk within seconds of me committing to an outfit. 

Seriously, it’s the scent of motherhood and been mine for oh, 6 years.

And, if smelling like my own milk sin’t bad enough. The clothing options now a days … let’s just say they are a combination of my maternity jeans, tank tops, and yoga pants where the only criteria for wearing them is that they aren’t see through and the camel toe is either not there or can be hidden by a long “tunic” style top. 

And, woman, even that is something that I let slide occasionally. I mean, I already have my husband, so who am I trying to impress. 

Really. 

In all honesty though, it’s more a matter of not being willing to invest in new clothing when I continue to reassure myself that I am in a transition body size so there would be no point in spending money on the larger version of me. The temporary resident.

Ok, so for you sake and for the health and safety of all the well meaning people, the next mom who tells me that their darling baby is sleeping through the night at two weeks and she is so REFRESHED. 

I don’t think I have slept through the night for the last 6.5 years. 

I mean from the point in a pregnancy when you are waking up every hour to use the bathroom when I was expecting my first, and now until the foreseeable future.

Let me tell you, I may not operate amazingly but all that stuff about needing a solid 8 hours of sleep a night.

I call bogus!

For real though. 

Even when we are sleep deprived, even when we have had more than the recommended amount of coffee and we begin to wonder whether the twitch in our left eye is from too much caffeine, too little sleep or that last nerve that the kids have got on … there are universal things we never thought we would do. 

I mean, for real. Have you ever wondered what it is like to be a kid, sitting and playing when all of a sudden you are hoisted off the ground and someone smells your butt. 

I am not going to lie, I’ve even done this to my friends kids.

And if you can’t sniff your friend’s, child’s butt … then what butt can you sniff. 

I am ever so grateful that kids don’t remember the weird things that parents do. Like when we get all up in their face with kisses and baby talk. Our heads being a full three times larger than theirs. I mean, if I was a baby with my full mom mind, that would be terrifying. 

But it’s reality and it is some of the strange that we do when we become moms. 

I mean, I am certain that before becoming a mother I never sniffed another human’s butt, and now … it’s a daily thing. I think I sniff more butt than my dogs.

As funny and weird as it is though, there is nothing that I would trade for the experience of motherhood. 

Even if showing has become a luxury, I can confidently say that I would never go back to the days before being a parent. 

I mean, unless it was to go and slap my former self who used to complain of being exhausted. I mean, what on earth did she know? 

Non-parents have no idea what it means to be tired, even dads have a very limited perspective of sleep deprivation. I mean, how often have you been woken in the middle of the night for one of those darling feedings only to glance over and glare at your husband and his useless nipples. 

 

I mean, why do they even have them there? 

I’d be lying if I told you I hadn’t asked my husband if he could just use his nipples when my baby is going through one of those “I just want to suck on a boob to sooth myself” kind of moods. 

Wouldn’t his nipples suffice? 

He has yet to entertain that thought, despite the many times that I show him hilarious videos on Facebook of dads who had their child attempt a latch. 

I say attempt because MAN, dude nipples are so perfect and tiny LoL. I mean, I don’t fully remember what my pre-baby body looked like, let alone my nipples … but … after having kids …

Landing pads. Fricken’ landing pads. 

Like, overnight my nipples changed and it is no wonder my children have no problems nursing. You could find those things in any light. 

Oh the joys of motherhood.

So here’s the moral of the story, laugh today. Laugh tomorrow. And start enjoying the weird and wonderful way we are all “suffering” in this season. 

It’s a short one. And it is worth it.

It’s Almost Moving Day – The LAST MINUTE Tips

If you haven’t heard, we are in the midst of preparing for a two part move. Part one, we move out of our home and back into the nest. YUP ... back in with my parents for two months, two months that HAPPEN to have the highest number of weeks KNOWN to man in them, like...

Facelift *kind of*

Every so often we want a fresh look, a new coat of paint, maybe the rearranging of furniture or – which usually happens in my case – a new house all together.

“Fine, you’re going to school!”

{... written last Friday ...} We are about to start our homeschooling journey. Homeschool-lite I am calling it. I would be lying if I said that I was confident or even really excited about starting. LAST YEAR, I was pumped about getting started soon ... to be able to...

What is “Normal” anyway

The other day I posted a poll on Facebook asking when people washed their bed sheets, or rather, how often they did that.  The following day (or maybe it was two days later) I posted a question about they insane thing that husbands do that drive us nuts (like...

Potty Training – Before we start … again

If being a mom to four boys has taught me ANYTHING, and ... well, it has taught me a lot ... it has certainly taught me that the bathroom will forever and for always be an area of INTEREST for a young man.Maybe it is the whole, “oh, I have a PENIS!?” thing, or...

Dang That Scale … it’s just a number

It's Saturday and already I am thinking about the "start" of this postpartum journey.  The start, on Monday - of course - because what other day do you "officially" start something. It would be weird to start on a Friday, knowing full well that there are going to be...

Addicted to my … PHONE

I am throwing it out there, to the judgy interwebs and all the trolls that may be perusing mom blogs like this one.  I am admitting it because I know that I am not the only mom who feels as though she is floundering without direction. Surrounded in loads of unfolded...

Chore Charts – Your Husband NEEDS one

Chores are exactly that, a CHORE.

It doesn’t help when your husband is forever asking, “what needs to be done?”

Because SCREAMING, “Can’t you SEE what needs to be done?” isn’t recommended, here is a tip that is simple, effective, and – well – a NO BRAINER … if we are willing to rethink it.

Chore Charts!

Wondering Who I’ll Be

It's a weird and wild feeling to be at the very beginning of the next phase in your life.  When you realize that you are about to jump head long into a bunch of firsts ... all the while, you will be closing the door on some very heavy lasts.  The last time you are in...

What’s This Space About Anyway?!

What's this space about anyway? Alright moms, so I really just needed to reach out and give a little bit of insight on what to expect from this "blog", from my corner of the interwebs as it were. I feel like, sometimes ... we go in every direction imaginable and - as...